How to move your mom…again and again and again

Before my mom moved to Albany, she lived in Worcester.  Her first place after my parents divorce was a 3 bedroom house that my grandparents had owned . She lived there for 7 years, moved to a 2 story condo with a finished basement for 15 years, moved to a 2 bedroom apartment in Worcester for 5 years, then to a smaller 2 bedroom apartment in Albany for 3 1/2 years.  I have helped her move from her condo to all 3 apartments. During all of these moves she brought most of her furniture, clothes, art supplies, books and a collection of art and knick knacks, cramming everything into every corner of each place.  Her stuff was precious to her, down to her last sea shell from her favorite beach.  There was no talking her into donating, giving or selling anything. 

Living with clutter, buckets of fabric, books and art supplies does not help ease the mind. For the past few years, my mom has been loosing her memory. Very slowly and not noticeable to most people. She needed to leave notes to remind her of dates, things she had to do, people she had to call, etc. She had notes on every surface, in her purse, taped to the door, and in books, but she couldn't remember where the notes were. My mom always cared about how she looked and was put together for whatever the day brought. Whether she was going to play mahjong or bringing soup to a friend, she looked fabulous and was always holding a pot of something delicious.  I started noticing her wearing the same clothes, not caring if she was wearing makeup and seeing lots of pizza in the fridge, I knew it was time for a change.

My mom is a proud woman and insisted she didn’t need anything or anyone to help her and she liked doing nothing.  I gently encouraged her to look with me at assisted living. She could have her room with (most) of her things and have meals and friends at the ready. She agreed to look. Fast forward 4 weeks and she was in her new room at a lovely new place, only 4 miles from our house. 

So imagine if you will, deciding what she would take with her to her one room, from of all her precious things. With a lot of negotiation and back and forth discussions she decided. Her move (with the help of a wonderful senior moving company) was done in one day. She walked into a room that was set up, pictures hung, clothes put away, and all her favorite things around her. She’s adjusting well and is for the first time ever clutter free. (And not missing any of it!)

Now all that is left is a pile of precious things to sort through and give away to people who need and can’t live without; a button, a seashell, a bucket of fabric, high healed shoes, clothes from the 90’s, heavy dark furniture, art supplies, dishes, pots and pans and so many memories from a woman who is living and has lived a wonderful and full life. Now all she needs are her family and friends.

She has taught me what not to do. Not be attached to stuff. To give away as much as I can before I can’t do it myself. Not to leave it to my kids to do.

Easier said then done….we shall see. 

We are so much more than a bucket of fabric.